Restless

I’ve delved into another restless state. At work, I go through the motions, dreading the daily morning email bombardment from Vietnam - a market that simply doesn’t seen to understand anything that I’m saying. I do what I need to do but in my notebook, I doodle incessantly, a sign that I’m not fully there. I think too much and as a result, rest too little; I’m constantly tired and that I wake in the middle of the night and have done so almost every day since before Christmas doesn’t help. My usual levels of enthusiasm aren’t there anymore. I cry. And I can’t find my smiles.

A colleague said that I was probably tired from having run on adrenalin the last few weeks before Christmas. I havn’t had any vacation and the annual leave days I was meant to take have been cancelled, including a day today. Yesterday, I woke up in a frenzy and my first thought was “do I have a conference call today?”

I am tired from the mental marathon my brain seems to participate in every single day.

I look forward to February. When I can go home.